I started working professionally when I was 21 years and 2 months old. In those first few years, I, and perhaps everyone around me of that age, thought that the possibilities were endless.
I thought that every future life path was almost guaranteed. Finding someone to spend the rest of my life with was guaranteed. Marrying them was guaranteed. Finding a better job with a better pay was guaranteed. Making it in my career was guaranteed. Buying an apartment was guaranteed. Travelling abroad was guaranteed. Retiring fat and rich was guaranteed.
All we had to do was to wait (or perhaps enjoy the time) while life somehow figures out those future guaranteed events. We partied, we enjoyed, always believing that the beautiful future that we are guaranteed is just right around the corner.
But then again, life is life. Life is a bitch.
I’m 41 now, and for the last couple of years, I’ve been observing my own life very closely. Observing all the events that have unfolded in my life retrospectively. And now I have the advantage of having seen the life of my friends unfold as well. I really can’t believe some of us would end up like this, twenty years later (maybe a little less than twenty years). I never thought life would unfold like this. I always thought that we were the lucky generation, the generation that did not have to struggle much, the generation that would get things. Maybe it was the blessed generation. I always thought that, but perhaps it’s not the case.
Imagine being 20 something. Believing in love. Believing that finding love in life is guaranteed. If not before marriage, then definitely after it. Boom. You are in late thirties and love is still elusive. May be you are married but you dont know what love is. May be you know what is love but you lost it and now you search for it.
Imagine being 20 something. Aspiring. Aspiring for a career. You imagine yourself wearing a suit. You wear a suit daily and give presentations. You are a rockstar. And then at 40 you realize it was a pipe dream. The suit makes you sweat. No one cares about those presentations. Those deals are done behind closed doors and you are not invited there. You are a EMI paying machine. You talk jargons to your friends too. You are hollow. You haven’t listened to a soulbreaking song in years. You haven’t sung in years. You have lost interest in learning guitar.
At 40, those options are gone. Now only a handful of possibilities remain. Those too are not guaranteed.
If the 20 year old me and I met, I would not reognize him. He wont accept me as his future self. That is sad.
But atleast I have realized this now and I can do something about it. Many dont realize.
So if 50 year old me reads this post, I want to tell him this.
If you are still wearing a coat daily then fuck you. You have perhaps a decade of healthy life and then a few decades of cognitive heath remaining. Dont fuck it up. Dont waste it on some mediocre job. Live your life.
Go meet Sanjay in Canada, Wasim in US, all friends in Pune and Sangli. Do something for those who got left behind. Those who had a promise but couldn’t fulfil it. Go find where she is and atleast see her from a distance. See if she is still pretty like she was when you first saw her at 18. Find her too. She may be in India too. She deserves a hello. Tell her your story. And Find her too. And take care of her. She deserve a good life and hope she is settled happily. She struggled a lot. Doesn’t matter what they went through in life, they all deserve to be happy. And if you can give them some of that happiness, do that. There is no point in wearing a coat for 20 years, if you cant even do that.
On life and time 